


The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you

by RayllaFr



Category: Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Did I mentioned there would be angst ?, F/F, So much angst, This is my first fic so I don’t really know how does that tag thing works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25954216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayllaFr/pseuds/RayllaFr
Summary: My take on Motherland season 2. It starts right where the show left us.
Relationships: Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn, Willa Collar & Scylla Ramshorn
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys ;)  
> This is my first fic, so please don’t be too hard on me. All mistakes are my own and of course the characters and the show don’t belong to me.

Scylla's face mutated into incomprehension. Did Willa really mean what she said ? No, she must have misheard, there was no other way. 

"I must have misunderstood, who was I supposed to bring back ?" Scylla asked in a slightly shaky voice. 

But Willa's face remained impassive, not betraying any emotion. It was impossible to guess what she was thinking. Slowly, extremely slowly, at least it seemed to be for Scylla at this moment, she looked into Scylla's eyes. Her blue eyes. The same as Raelle's, Scylla realized then. She had lost herself so many times in those eyes, she had seen them so often in her dreams, a constant reminder of the future that could have been but that her lies had stolen from her. How had she not noticed earlier ?

"You understood me very well, don't make me repeat myself."

Willa's voice took her out of her thoughts, and in that instant Scylla felt nothing but deep anger. 

"And only now you tell me!" Scylla yelled, stepping forward towards Willa and invading her personal space. "Don't you think it would have been helpful to have informed me!"

"No," Willa replied calmly. "I don't see how that information could have been useful to you." Her voice was cold, almost devoid of emotion except for the hint of contempt and anger that Scylla could detect. 

"Oh I don't know, let me think..." the young Necro retorted sarcastically. "Oh that's it! Raelle would be here if only you had told me the truth in the first place!"

"You had a mission, you had simple orders, but you got distracted, lost sight of your objective and let your personal feelings get the better of you." Gradually her face showed her anger, the anger of a mother who had been denied her daughter after more than a year apart from her. Her gaze was firm and stern, her tone accusing, the anger and contempt no longer hid. "If Raelle is not with us today, it is only because of your incompetence." 

Scylla wanted to respond, but she was at a loss for words. She couldn't refute Willa's accusations. It was her fault Raelle wasn't here today. It was her fault. She regretted her lies, she regretted her silences, she regretted it, but she couldn't change anything now. Raelle hated her, and Scylla understood her all too well. She had hurt her, knowingly. She knew it, she knew Raelle would suffer because of her lies, so why couldn't she tell the truth ? Why had she let someone else tell her everything ? Why didn't she have the courage to be honest ? ...because she was afraid of losing her. Because after three years, she had finally found the warmth and comfort of a home. In just a few short months, Raelle had given her everything she thought she would never find again, Raelle had become her home. But by the time she realized it, it was already too late. Too late to explain, too late to tell her the truth... too late to be forgiven. Then hiding behind false pretexts whispered by her cowardice in the hollow of her ear: "she is not ready to hear the truth", "it is for her own good", "I do it for the mission", she continued the lies, the secrets, the half-truths. 

She had hurt her and Raelle would not forgive her, Scylla did not forgive herself. She had made a mistake, she knew it. But it hadn't all been lies and deceit, she had shown courage. And maybe it was too late, but she had chosen Raelle, she had chosen Raelle in spite of her orders, her mission. She had chosen to protect the one she loved from the organization to which she had dedicated the last three years of her life. And for what ? To learn that the Spree never intended to hurt her ? That the sponsor of the mission was none other than Raelle's mother ? Life had an ironic way of making fun of her...

Scylla was taken out of her thoughts by Willa's voice, which had lost all its pungency and anger, and had returned to a neutral or even almost compassionate tone. "That'll teach me to entrust missions like this to teenagers who listen more to their hormones than to their orders..." she sighed, a small smirk forming on her lips as she watched the young brunette's cheeks blush with embarrassment. "Go put your things in your room, and come back down to the living room when you're done, dinner is almost ready."

At this point Scylla was far too embarrassed to produce any coherent sound, let alone words, so after a quick nod she slipped out of the room and went back to her room. As she opened the door she was struck by the fact that she didn't recognize the room she had slept in every day for two years. The walls were the same, with the same old yellow wallpaper faded by the sun, the only window in the room was still facing her, flooding the whole room with daylight, the furniture had not been replaced or moved, but yet the room was different. On the walls you could see yellow rectangles that were slightly more intense than the rest of the wallpaper, the last remnants of the photos she had hung on the walls when she still lived here. The broken window handle, which would fall in her hands every other time, had been replaced by a brand new one. Even the small wooden desk in the corner of the room, on which she had spent hours writing letters to her parents, letters that would never be read, was now empty of the clutter of sheets and pens she had left behind when she left. 

With a sigh, she crossed the threshold and entered the room that had once been familiar to her. She sat down on the edge of her bed before collapsing completely. A small nostalgic smile marked her face as she saw that at least the ceiling hadn't changed. The cobwebs had not moved, and the white paint had continued to crack even more. However, this tender moment of nostalgia lasted only a moment, and too soon reality caught up with her. She sat up straight on the edge of the bed, her back bent as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. But the truth was that the weight of the world would never be as heavy to bear as the guilt and regret that gnawed at her. With her head down, her arms resting loosely on her knees, she was drowning in memories of the future she had imagined alongside Raelle, a future she had dreamed of, a future that her lies had stolen from her... With her eyes closed, she let herself be lulled by the sweet melody of this future that would never be. Slowly tears came to her eyes, until an unstoppable flood of tears formed. Her trembling body was shaken as she tried to choke a few silent sobbing sounds in her throat. It was the first time since the death of her parents that she had let herself cry like this.

After too few minutes, Scylla pulled herself together, silencing the pain in her chest. She wiped the tears from her wet eyes with a wave of her hand, when for the first time her gaze fell on a cardboard box at the foot of the bed, in front of the bedside table. Curious, she knelt down in front of it and opened it. Seeing its contents, her face again cracked with a slight nostalgic smile. The box was filled with the memories she had left behind when she joined the army: photos of her and her parents, the letters she had written to them but never got to send them and Pipou, the blue rabbit her father had won for her at a fair when she was only 5 years old. Since then, the plush had never left her, and as soon as she’d looked at it, the happy memories of that night would come back and drive all her dark thoughts out of her mind. But not this time. This time, when she looked at the blue rabbit, she only saw the little girl she was then. She saw the innocent smile and the light in her eyes, the carefree and joyful look she emanated. She saw the little girl that her parents had loved so much, the little girl that her parents had given so much to, the little girl that her parents had protected until their death. What would they think if they saw her today ? In order to avenge them and bring them the justice they deserved, she had joined the Spree and had thus betrayed all the principles they had taught her. What would they see looking at her now ? Would they see the little girl they raised or the monster the army described ? ...the monster that Raelle saw. Her parents would have liked Raelle she thought, she was a lot like them after all. Like them, she had a good heart and a kind soul, even if she tried to hide it behind a cold and distant exterior. Like them, she had a free spirit and didn't let herself be bound by rules and codes. But just like she lost them, she had also lost her. The army had robbed her of her parents, and her lies had cost her the one she loved. Now she was alone, alone in a place that was both foreign and familiar, surrounded by people she was no longer sure she knew, fighting for a cause that had already taken so much from her that she felt there was nothing more she could give... In a word: Scylla was lost. 

Closing the box after one last look, she got up, closed her eyes for a few short seconds, extinguished all her doubts and hesitations, reopened them and left the room in the direction of the dining room where the rest of the cell was probably waiting for her. Scylla may have been lost, but the Spree was her course, she only had to follow it to find her way.

**Author's Note:**

> I first write this as the first chapter of a longer story, but I got lazy and haven’t written the next chapters yet. So I posted it as completed because that chapter can kinda stand on its own as a one shot. Anyway I plan to write the next chapters, but I’m a slow writer so see you at the start of season 5, by then I would probably have finished chapter 2.


End file.
